The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
