I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
