Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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