I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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