she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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