8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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