dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
