I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
