I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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