Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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