I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
