you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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