Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
