if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
