you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
