the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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