OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can text with my tongue
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize