Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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