I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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