We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
