just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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