If i come over, it means nothing
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
