I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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