He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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