Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
