Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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