Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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