so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
