I wannas sexs uuuuu
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
