is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
