he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
