He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
