i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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