What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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