Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
