last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
