The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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