The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
