Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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