i just wanna soil my oats bro
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
