Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
