I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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