i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
