When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
