Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
