these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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