I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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