32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize