Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
