I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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