just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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