On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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