I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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