I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
