I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
