The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
