how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize