dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
