wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
