i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
