weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
