the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
